50 Funny 80th Birthday Sayings and Quotes

Here are funny 80th birthday sayings and quotes for a friend or loved one who is turning 80 years old. You can use these sayings and quotes in a card, in a toast, as part of a poem, or as part of a speech.

#1 Enjoy the time when you can actually predict the weather with your knees. We all envy you for that, trust me. There are 80 years of experience right here. Now that you know everything about life, I really wish that you enjoy it. Also, be generous and make sure to share some wisdom with me. Happy birthday!

#2 “By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.”
George Burns

#3 You’re 80, but you don’t look like it. You look at least like 79. Just kidding. You’re the youngest, old person I’ve ever known in my life. Your sweetness and appetite for adventure give me hope for mankind. I’m honestly very happy that you are a part of my life. Happy birthday!

#4 “First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.”
George Burns

#5 On this special day, I wish you less coughing, better hearing, and easier mobility. But I also wish you the very best of your years on this earth! Though 80 years are quite a lot of years compared to mine, they are few compared to the ones I wish for you. Happy 80th birthday.

#6 “You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.”
Hy Gardner

#7 80 years? Wow! A lot of people don’t even know how to count to 80. I hope you’re good at math because you’re going to have to keep on counting. May you have an amazing day, surrounded by everyone you love.

#8 “Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.”
Billie Burke

#9 They say that friends are like wine because they get better with time. Well, I’ve never tasted wine as old as our friendship, but one thing I can say for sure is that no wine could give me the happiness that our friendship does. Happy 80th birthday!

#10 “A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’”
Claude Pepper

#11 80th birthday, huh? It reminds me of the videogames when they are 80% loading… Oh no, I don’t mean that. I mean that the best is yet to come, and the game starts at 100. You’re still young. Keep it up. Live your life at the fullest, but don’t forget to take your meds. Happy birthday!

#12 “Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.”
George Burns

#13 Happy birthday, grandma! You’re the best grandmother I could ever wish for. No, I didn’t also say that to my other grandma. You’re unique. You’ve always been, and I wish you another 80 years of happiness and joy with the ones you love the most. There’s no greater pleasure than being loved by you.

#14 “It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
George Burns

#15 They say that old people need to keep their people as close as they can. I say you better keep your memory close as well. You’ll need it to get someone to bring you the remote control. Happy birthday!

#16 “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”
George Burns

#17 Knock, knock?
Who’s there?
Your 80s.
Your 80s who?
Since you can’t remember, let’s just call it your golf score.
Kidding aside, you will always be fresh and brimming with vibrant youth in your heart and soul. Happy birthday!

#18 “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.”
Lucille Ball

#19 Happy Birthday, dad! When I was a little kid, you never told me life was going to be so long. But here we are now, you’re 80, and you’re even older than grandma’s jokes. I’m so proud to be your [son/daughter] and to have grown up with you by my side.

#20 “Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.”
George Burns

#21 Sometimes I believe that you’re like one of the old wizards in fairytales. Not because you’re old, but because you’ve always managed to perform magic tricks. I took some notes on those, but I’m not going to share them with you because you’ve probably forgotten them by now. Just kidding. Happy 80th birthday!

#22 “I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything till noon. That’s when it’s time for my nap.”
Bob Hope

#23 A wise man once said, “Finish that bottle of wine and have fun!” These are the words that I would say to you today. You are not old. You are a classic. You’re vintage and of great value. May this be the best birthday you’re ever had and the worst of the birthdays you’re going to have!

#24 “Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.”
Larry Lorenzoni

#24 Yesterday is history. Today is a gift. Tomorrow is more sagging skin. So enjoy today’s gift with all the loved ones who you can remember. 80 years is a great achievement. Happy birthday and don’t forget to smile with all of your remaining teeth.

#25 “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
Bob Hope

#26 All the phrases that start with “Life’s too short to…” are useless when writing you a message on your 80th birthday because your life is so long that you can do everything you want. Keep doing it with the same energy you use to press the remote control buttons to turn up the TV volume. Happy birthday!

#27 “I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.”
George Burns

#28 This is a special moment for you, but it is more special for me. Is that time of the year when I honestly thank you for always being older than me. There was a time when I almost reached you, but you took over again. Congratulations and may you have the happiest of your birthdays.

#29 “I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name’s not there, I eat breakfast.”
George Burns

#30 Do you remember when we were young? Yeah, me neither. It’s been a long time, but the best is yet to come. Being old is cooler than being young. We can get in all the clubs, we just don’t want to. Happy birthday.

#31 “I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren’t what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.”
George Burns

#32 Grandma, you are about four times older than me, but that doesn’t work the same when translated in wisdom. You’re probably 40 times wiser than me, and I can’t get enough of learning from you and from eating your cooking. You’re definitely the best cook, but don’t tell mom. Happy birthday!

#33 “I stay away from natural foods. At my age, I need all the preservatives I can get.”
George Burns

#34 Hopefully, all these 80 years have been as wonderful as you are. Or at least half as wonderful. You really are the coolest, best old-young person I know. Happy 80th birthday to you!

#35 “The old begin to complain of the conduct of the young when they themselves are no longer able to set a bad example.”
François de la Rochefoucauld

#36 80 years old, huh? You came this far. And you’re still going. Never stop. Just keep going…as long as you remember how to come back, of course.  I wish you an amazing birthday. You totally deserve it!

#37 “When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I’m labeled senile.”
George Burns

#38 The good thing about being 80 years old is that those people who were older than you a few years ago are still getting older, so you’re still the youngest of the group. Now and forever young. Forever back pain. Just trying to be funny, but can’t compare to you. Happy birthday!

#39 “You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.”
George Burns

#40 It’s true that age is just a number, but in your case, age is also a great number. And the coincidence is that you are also great. Especially your jokes. I’m not surprised because you had 80 years to think of them. May your life be as beautiful as your personality.

#41 “If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
George Burns

#42 It’s been 80 years since you were born, but it seems like many more since we began our friendship. So much has happened and our friendship has grown. My greatest wish for you is to hold onto your memory as long as you can. Have a very happy birthday!

#43 “Age puzzles me. I thought it was a quiet time. My seventies were interesting and fairly serene, but my eighties are passionate. I grow more intense as I age.”
Florida Scott-Maxwell

#44 It’s been 80 years for you, but you do not seem tired at all. I’m actually writing you this card to invite you to be part of our hockey team. Just kidding, we don’t have a hockey team. Not that if we did, you’d play. I mean you could, but the point is: Happy Birthday!

#45 “I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued.”
Bill Dane

#46 Remember when you were 20 and used to apply for jobs, but they asked you for many years of experience? Well, you can now go to all those places and ask them to hire you. Just joking, don’t go. Whoever didn’t hire you lost out big time because you became extraordinary. Happy 80th birthday!

#47 “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred.”
Woody Allen

#48 Usually, we wish for people’s dreams to come true, but maybe it’s better just to simply wish that you are able to fall asleep easily and have some peaceful dreams. Happy 80th birthday to the best dreamer I know!

#49 “People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.”
George Burns

#50 You at now in the best time of your life. You have a ton of experience throughout your many years, and you still have your mind about you to understand what I’m talking about. Your wisdom is well-preserved, and your stories are still enjoyable to hear for the 100th time. Honestly, though, you’ve been an excellent friend. Keep it up and happy birthday!

Here is a look at some of the most valuable advice as it is shared by these centenarians.