300+ Funny Birthday Wishes, Messages and Quotes

Here is the largest list of original funny birthday wishes on the internet. Our comedy writers have gone the extra mile and created customized messages for friends, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, dads and moms.

But first, let’s start with the 20 funniest birthday quotes of all-time, which can be included with any birthday message.

Funny Birthday Quotes for Everyone

Inside every older person is a younger person — wondering what the hell happened.
– Cora Harvey Armstrong

You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
-Bob Hope

funny-birthday-quote

Looking fifty is great… if you’re sixty.
– Joan Rivers

As you get older, three things happen: The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.
– Norman Wisdom

Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.
– Robert Frost

I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.
– Eva Gabor

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
– John Glenn

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age. A woman who would tell one that would tell anything.
– Oscar Wilde

Nice to be here? At my age, it’s nice to be anywhere.
– George Burns

Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen.
– Jim Gaffigan

The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
– Lucille Ball

funny-birthday-quotes

The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you’ll grow out of it.
– Doris Day

Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.
– Anthony Powell

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
– Woody Allen

I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
– Phyllis Diller

I think all this talk about age is foolish. Every time I’m one year older, everyone else is too.
– Gloria Swanson

Eventually, you reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
– Will Rogers

You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
– Germaine Greer

Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?
– Bobby Kelton

Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off lights for economical rather than romantic reasons.
– Eli Cass

Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
-Rodney Dangerfield

Funny Birthday Wishes for a Friend

Drinking alone on your birthday is sad…drinking with your best friend on your birthday is a party! Happy Birthday!

I hate that you’re a Gemini, but I love that we’re best friends- Happy Birthday!

I know you hate surprises, so this is your warning: 20 of your closest friends and family are hiding in your living room waiting to wish you “Happy Birthday”. You’re welcome! Happy Birthday!

I made the cake myself! Ok by that that I mean I bought it from the grocery store on my way here, but nobody needs to know! Happy Birthday!

Every Hour is Happy Hour When it’s Your Birthday!

happy-birthday-message-for-friend

Woof woof woof! Translation: Happy Birthday from your best friend- let’s play fetch!

I know you said you didn’t want a gift for your birthday, but I couldn’t help myself! Happy Birthday!

I was going to get you a gift, but what do you get for the man who has everything? Happy Birthday!

Team Chocolate Cake vs Team Vanilla Cake: Either way, you’re a winner! Happy Birthday!

They say it’s the thought that counts- and I definitely thought about getting you a gift. Good enough! Happy Birthday!

I’m just here for the cake. Happy Birthday!

On your birthday you’re allowed to eat cake for breakfast- Happy Birthday!

Let them eat cake! Happy Birthday, Queen!

Happy 30th Birthday…again!

Happy Birthday to the only woman I’ve ever known who has been 39 for the last five years.

Wish I could be with you on your Birthday! Happy Birthday from way over here!

I’m sorry I only know my friend’s birthdays if they’re on Facebook! Happy Belated Birthday

Like a fine cheese, you are stinky, don’t do well in the sun and just keep getting better with age. Happy Birthday to the Big Cheese!

Happy Birthday! I forgot to buy you a gift, but are you really surprised? Oh well, there’s always next year!

Another year hurtling through space around a fiery sun- Happy Birthday, Earthling!

Happy Birthday from your waaaaaaay younger best friend!

My birthday wish for you is that someone will ask to see your I.D. at the bar tonight- Happy Birthday!

“Forever Young”- more like “Forever Exhausted!” – Happy Birthday!

We’re too old to go out for your birthday, let’s stay in and drink three bottles of wine like classy adults!

You’re finally at the age where spending your birthday alone is a dream come true, not a living nightmare. Happy Birthday!

Your knees are shot, your back is out, you need glasses to read the menu- are you sure you’re only turning 40??? Happy Birthday, oldie!

If you’re old enough to remember Y2K you’re old enough to start using anti-wrinkle cream. Happy Birthday!

At 16 you can drive. At 21 you can drink. At 65 you can retire. That’s a lot of birthday drinks before retirement! Happy Birthday, let’s get drinks!

Welcome to the Grey Hair Club! Happy Birthday!

Let’s skip work and party instead! Happy Birthday!

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the oldest friend of all?” YOU! Happy Birthday, Queen!

If your party starts after 8pm I’m not coming. Happy Birthday!

I know you’re vegan, gluten-free and paleo so I’ve eaten your birthday cake for you. You’re welcome! Happy Birthday!

No one lives forever- but you must be pretty close! Happy Birthday!

Happy 30th Birthday- you don’t look a day over 43!

Time for your quarter-life crisis! Happy Birthday!

You’re really stupid for someone so old! Happy Birthday, dummy!

Don’t worry, the gift comes with a receipt. Happy Birthday!

They say dogs are man’s best friend, but they’re really bad at remembering birthdays! Happy Birthday from your human best friend!

Cake is overrated, let’s have birthday Botox instead! Happy Birthday!

Funny Birthday Wishes for Brother

Happy Birthday to my 2nd favorite brother!

The day you were born, my perfect life as an only child was over. Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday- have fun tonight but remember, you can’t tell on me or I’ll tell on you!

Happy Birthday, Butthead!

Ugh, you’re so gross and annoying! But I love you- Happy Birthday, lil bro!

Oh brother, it’s your birthday AGAIN?!

Happy Birthday, Brother! I forgot to get you a gift, please don’t tell Mom, she’ll be sooooo mad!

Happy Birthday, Little Brother! No, I won’t buy you and your friends’ booze.

Happy Birthday, Little Brother! No, you can’t borrow my I.D.

Mom told me I had to wish you a “Happy Birthday”, so Happy Birthday I guess.

This is the one day a year I’ll let you steal my thunder- Happy Birthday!

The best part about being your twin is I’ll never forget your birthday! Happy Birthday, Brother!

Because it’s your birthday, today you can be Batman and I’ll be Robin. Happy Birthday, enjoy it while it lasts!

Here’s to another year of arguing over whose turn it is to take out the garbage! Happy Birthday!

Now that you’re an adult, we can be friends again. Happy Birthday, Little Brother!

You’re the more successful brother, but I’m always gonna be younger than you! Happy Birthday, Big Brother!

Happy Birthday to the World’s Okayest Brother!

Happy Birthday to the World’s Best Wingman!

Wow, you’re starting to look like our father! Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to my brother who will be the eccentric uncle in the family someday.

Broooooo! It’s your birthday! Duuuuude! That’s awesome!

Happy Birthday! I would have texted it to you but you never read them!

Happy Birthday- let’s play video games for 13 hours!

For your Birthday let’s pretend your Mom’s favorite!

Happy Birthday, bro! Now, please call Mom so she can stop asking me how you are!

Happy Birthday! I’ll be YOUR designated driver for once!

Happy Birthday, bro! No, I can’t drive you to the bar.

Happy Birthday from your much better-looking brother!

Happy Birthday from the smart one in the family!

Happy Birthday- time to start saving for retirement, bro!

Happy Birthday to my best friend and worst enemy! Love you bro!

I bought you this board game so I can kick your butt! Happy Birthday, loser!

Happy Birthday- I guess I like you a little bit…

I had better grades, but you always had better parties! Happy Birthday, Bro!

You’re stinky, you’re ugly and you’re annoying but I love you- Happy Birthday from your Little Sister!

I can’t believe you’ve been annoying me for 30 years! Happy Birthday, Brother!

Welcome to the Old Man club, Brother! Happy Birthday!

Have a birthday brewksi, birthday bro! Cheers!

I’m pretty darn cool, but not as cool as you, bro! Happy Birthday, stay chill!

To my dear brother on his birthday: time to start using anti-wrinkle cream! Happy Birthday!

Funny Birthday Wishes for Sister

The best part about being a twin is I will never forget your birthday. Happy Birthday to my partner in crime

You may be the most successful sister, but I’ll always be younger than you! Happy Birthday!

Wow, you’re starting to look just like our mother! Happy Birthday, Sis!

Happy “30th” Birthday, Sis! Love, the only person who knows your real age.

I know you stole my favorite shirt, but I’m still gonna wish you a Happy Birthday. Now give it back!

Happy Birthday, Sis! Let’s go shopping with your husband’s credit card!

You’re beauty, you’re grace, you’re gonna die first- Happy Birthday, Big Sis!

How special to grow up with a best friend- but I got you instead! Happy Birthday, Sis!

Don’t tell Mom I forgot your birthday!!!

Happy Birthday! Wow I can’t imagine being so OLD! How do you do it?!

I might be Mom’s favorite, but you’ll always be MY favorite! Happy Birthday, Sis!

Remember when you were 16 I didn’t tell Mom you crashed the car? Consider that your birthday gift! Happy Birthday!

I owe you a birthday gift, but you still owe me for the time you lost my favorite sweater, so I guess we’re square! Happy Birthday, Sis!

As far as annoying little sisters go, you’re not that bad. Happy Birthday!

I wanted a puppy, but Mom and Dad gave me a sister instead. Ah well, can’t have everything! Happy Birthday!

When I think of all the trouble we got into as kids, it’s a miracle you’re turning 30! Happy 30th, Sis!
They say that sisterhood is the most precious gift of all…but they don’t tell you there’s no gift receipt! Guess you’re stuck with me- Happy Birthday, Sis!

Happy Birthday my most beautiful, intelligent, kind and wonderful sister. If you run into her, can you give her this card? 😉 Love you Sis!

Happy Birthday, Sis! Maybe this is the year you’ll finally get hot!

What’s it like to be so, so, so, so OLD? Happy Birthday, Big Sister!

Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you’re put into a really nice old folks home and I promise to visit on your birthday. Happy Birthday, love your much younger sister!

Through all the fights, the bites, the tears and the annoyance, I’m glad I’m still invited to your birthday parties! Happy Birthday, sis!

I guess I’m the only person at this party who knows all your secrets- be nice! Happy Birthday, sis!

I’m still the only one allowed to make fun of you! Let me know if anyone gives you trouble and I’ll smack ‘em! Happy Birthday from your Brother

Sis, I know you hate parties, so don’t worry, I bought us a bottle of wine to share at home. Happy Birthday!

I bought you this gift so I can borrow it later. Happy Birthday, Sis!

For your birthday I sent hate mail to all your ex-boyfriends. Happy Birthday to my Sister with bad taste in men!

I’m glad you’re my sister, but even happier you’re my best friend- you know too much to be my enemy! Happy Birthday!

No matter how rich, successful or famous you become each year, I will always keep you humble! I have the embarrassing childhood photos! Happy Birthday, Sis!

I know as you get older people only see you as a businesswoman or a mom, but you’ll always be my annoying little sister! Happy Birthday!

Welcome to middle age- it’s way more fun! Happy Birthday, Little Sister!

Happy Birthday to my lifelong best friend! Except that one year in middle school, of course…

Here’s to another year of always finding the best shoe sales! Happy Birthday, Sis!

You’re never too young for birthday Botox! Happy Birthday, Sis!

Sister Spa day! Happy Birthday, let’s relax!

Another birthday, another reason to hang out without the kids! Happy Birthday, Sis!

I love you almost as much as I love cake! Happy Birthday, Sis!

I had better grades, but you had better parties! Party hard on your birthday, Sis!

Why have a sibling rivalry when you can have a sibling accomplice? Happy Birthday to my partner in crime!

Let’s sneak out to a party tonight like the old days! Happy Birthday, Sis!

Funny Birthday Wishes for Husband

For your birthday, Dear Husband, I am giving you what you gave me last year- NOTHING!

We’ve only been dating for a few weeks, so I have no idea what to get you for your birthday. Happy Birthday!

For your birthday, I’m going to pretend you didn’t forget our anniversary this year. Happy Birthday!

I’m so glad you’re in my life so I can afford rent! Happy Birthday, love!

For your birthday, I bought myself a day at the spa, a mani pedi, and some beautiful flowers. Enjoy your day off! Happy Birthday!

I bet my gift is better than your ex-girlfriend’s gift. Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to the Father of my children- thank goodness they turned out like me!

We’ll celebrate your birthday eventually, but first we have to drop the kids off at ballet class, hockey practice, buy groceries, call your mother, walk the dog, vacuum the living room and cook dinner.

I forgot to bake you a cake, so here is a blueberry muffin with a candle on it. Happy Birthday, hubby!

Your birthday is my favorite day of the year- we eat cake, go out for dinner, and have an excuse to get a babysitter! Happy Birthday, love!

It’s your birthday, so I rented us a beautiful hotel room for your special night- maybe we can actually get a decent night’s sleep! Happy Birthday to my tired husband!

I couldn’t get the day off, so let’s pretend your birthday is tomorrow, ok? Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to the biggest hunk I know! Besides Chris Hemsworth, obviously.

Happy Birthday to the Imperfect Guy with the Perfect Girlfriend!

I baked you a cake, but you’re on a diet so I’ll eat it for you- you’re welcome! Happy Birthday!

I’m your gift, unwrap me! Happy Birthday, love!

Science says the more birthdays you have, the longer you’ll live! Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday, Handsome! You’re almost as hot as me!

Babe, you’re like global warming- another year older, another year hotter! Happy Birthday!

You’re always telling me I spend too much, so don’t worry, I didn’t buy you anything for your birthday!

Happy Birthday from your much hotter, much younger wife!

Aren’t we getting too old for birthdays? Love, your wife

I don’t care if it’s your birthday, we can’t afford a convertible. Happy Birthday!

Happy Midlife Crisis!

How many years do I have do bake you a cake?! Happy Birthday!

It’s your birthday again already?! Happy Birthday!

Every day’s your birthday when you’re retired! Happy Birthday!

For your birthday, I thought we should go on a trip together! A trip to the grocery store, we’re out of milk and eggs. Happy Birthday!

The kids have the flu, you work early in the morning, the dog needs a walk, we haven’t started dinner- I know it doesn’t feel like a Happy Birthday, but Happy Birthday to the best co-parent I could ask for!

Happy Birthday from your future widow!

Happy Birthday to the guy who lives in my house!

We may be in a long distance relationship, but your birthday is right around the corner! Happy Birthday, love, wish I could be there!

We met at your birthday party all those years ago, so I guess I’m the best gift you’ll ever get! Happy Birthday!

Can we not have a party and just say we did? Happy Birthday!

You deserve the world on your birthday- but all I could afford was this card! Happy Birthday!

Marriage is just a series of forgotten birthdays and anniversaries until one of us dies

Happy Birthday to the one man in the world who loves his mother-in-law!

You may not be a father, but you’re definitely my daddy 😉 Happy Birthday, babe!

Making a wish on your birthday is easy- just text me! Happy Birthday, love!

Funny Birthday Wishes for Wife

To make up for last year, I bought you TWICE the gifts! Happy Birthday, love!

Don’t worry about getting a year older- after all, this is the youngest you’ll ever be ever again! Happy Birthday!

This birthday card 100% gluten free, sugar free, vegan and full of love. Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to the Mother of my children: thank goodness they turned out like you!

Trust me, you don’t want ME to make your birthday cake. Happy Birthday, babe!

For your birthday I’m doing you a favor and I will NOT cook for you. Let’s go out! Happy Birthday, love!

I may not be smart, I may not be handsome, but at least I always remember your birthday! Happy Birthday!

For your birthday, take the credit card all day- just don’t let me see the bill! Happy Birthday!

If this were a sitcom, I’d be the fat, stupid husband who forgets your birthday and you’d be the hot, patient wife who puts up with me. Luckily we are both hot! Happy Birthday to the star of my life!

Don’t worry, I hid half the birthday candles, no one needs to know you’re not 35! Happy Birthday!

HBD to my PYT: Happy Birthday to my Pretty Young Thing!

Looks: 10/10. Taste in Men: 4/10. Lucky for me! Happy Birthday to my beautiful girlfriend with questionable taste in men!

I was going to buy you a trip to the spa for your birthday, but I see you already did that yourself! Happy Birthday!

I know you already bought all your own birthday gifts, so here’s a card- don’t forget to put my name on it! Happy Birthday!

For your birthday, I sent the kids to your sister’s house. Happy Birthday, love! Enjoy a night off

Can we pretend your birthday is today instead of yesterday? Happy Belated Birthday to my (hopefully) forgiving Wife

Whaddya mean you don’t want to go to the poker championship for your birthday?! Ah well, maybe next year. Happy Birthday, babe!

Let’s eat a plate of spaghetti like Lady and the Tramp- Happy Birthday, Lady!

I bought you a giant bouquet of flowers for your birthday but I forgot you’re allergic! Happy Birthday, here’s an antihistamine

For your birthday I am going out with the boys- enjoy your night off! Happy Birthday!

Marriage is the gift that keeps on giving, so I didn’t buy you anything this year! Happy Birthday!

Last year I bought you a vacuum for your birthday- I learned to stop giving gifts that suck! Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday- you make snoring sexy!

We’ve been together long enough to know that you’ll end up buying your own birthday gift anyway. Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday, babe! Yes, there’s a gift receipt- I’ve learned my lesson!

What do you mean you don’t want a new bandsaw for your birthday? I guess I’ll have to keep it!

Happy Birthday to my Princess! Love, your Knight in Rusty Armor.

Your birthday should be a national holiday- then I’d have the day off to find you a gift! Happy Birthday!

For your birthday, let’s take a limo to a fancy restaurant. By limo, I mean a city bus, and by fancy I mean an all you can eat buffet.

How is it I keep getting older and you’ve been 35 for five years? Happy Birthday, babe!

Happy Birthday to the woman who loves my mother more than I do!

You put up with my friends, so I’ll put up with your’s at the party! Happy Birthday- we need better friends!

I wanted to take you to a fancy restaurant for your birthday, but I decided to take you on a surprise vacation instead! Happy Birthday- pack your bags!

Birthdays are a lot more fun when you have money- maybe next year! Happy Birthday, honey!

I know diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but birthday cake is a close second! Happy Birthday, babe!

Most guys struggle to get their wife a great gift, but I know the secret: let her buy it for herself! Happy Birthday, love!

Remember when we vowed to be together for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health? Well, this is one of those “poorer” situations- I promise I’ll get you a gift on payday! Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday from the guy who forgets to put the seat down on the toilet!

Flowers, chocolate, diamonds- two out of three ain’t bad! Happy Birthday, my love!

Happy Birthday! I’m sending the kids to summer camp!

Funny Birthday Wishes for Dad

Candles are expensive- time to start lying about your age! Happy birthday, old guy!

Wow, you look like Grandad now! Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to the most handsome, successful, cool, strong and heroic guy I know! So…can I borrow your car?

I know you’ve been wanting to get in shape, so instead of cake we are having celery. Just kidding! Happy Birthday, Dad- have as much cake as you want!

Another year older, but not any wiser. Happy Birthday, Dad!

I can’t believe you’ve made it this far without being murdered in your sleep for your snoring! Happy Birthday, Dad!

I bought you this gift so you can stop spending my inheritance! Happy Birthday, Dad!

Happy Birthday to the man who has fallen asleep during every movie for the past 10 years!

You’re too old to become famous, but you’re still the leading man in our household! Happy Birthday, Dad!

I know you like to think you’re cool and hip, so for your birthday I’ll let you believe it. Happy Birthday, Daddio!

I want you to live forever, so for your birthday I’ll eat your slice of cake! You’re welcome! Happy Birthday, Dad!

Happy Birthday to the least successful but most dedicated fisherman I’ve ever met! Love you, Dad!

For your birthday, I’ve sent Mom to the spa. Enjoy the day off, Dad!

In dog years, you’re ancient! Happy Birthday, You Old Dog!

You’re so old you rode to school on a dinosaur! Happy Birthday, you old fossil!
I got you these sunglasses so you’re not blinded by all those candles on your cake!

Your feet may stink, you may snore really loudly, and you accidentally packed dog treats in my lunch, but I love you. Happy Birthday, Dad!

People say you’re only as young as you feel, so you must be ancient! Happy Birthday, Dad!

Some people grow up without a father, but I’m lucky to have a father who won’t grow up! Happy Birthday, you’re always young at heart!

Happy 40th Birthday, Dad! Don’t worry, I’ll send you to a really nice retirement home next year.

For your birthday I will willingly go with you to the hardware store. Happy Birthday!

Welcome to the Grey Hair Club, Dad! Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to the best Dad with the worst jokes!

Every time I ask what you want for your birthday, you say “nothing”. So this year I’m getting you exactly what you asked for! Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday- you can finally enjoy the seniors discount!

Happy Birthday to the man who taught me how to drive- I’m still sorry about the fender!

If you don’t have a happy birthday, I’m sending you to time out!

Happy Birthday to the only guy crazy enough to adopt some random kid and raise it as his own! I sure am lucky!

Happy Sweet 60!

I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but…no one’s going to check your I.D. at the bar anymore! Happy Birthday, Dad!

I don’t know how to read or write yet, but Mommy said it’s your birthday! Happy Birthday, Daddy!

Yeah, you’re not a very good cook but you sure know how to have a good time! Happy Birthday, Dad!

How is someone so old so cool??? Happy Birthday, boomer!

All the kids are dressing like YOU these days! Happy Birthday, Dad- you’re a trendsetter!

You came to a new country, you learned a new language, you made a great life for your family- how on earth can I find a good enough gift for such an amazing man?! Happy Birthday, Dad!

I’m not gonna sing you “Happy Birthday” because sadly I inherited your singing voice! Happy Birthday, Dad!

Happy Birthday to the only person who can beat me at board games! Love you, Dad!

You’re too cool to be this old- Happy Birthday, Daddio!

Happy Birthday to my hero! Happy Birthday, Superdad!

Your gift didn’t arrive on time- guess we will have to have a second party! Happy Birthday, Dad!

Funny Birthday Wishes for Mom

If you don’t have a Happy Birthday, you’re grounded! Love you, Mom!

Happy Birthday from your 2nd favorite kid!

Dad forgot to buy you a card, but I didn’t! Happy Birthday!

As payback for my 5th birthday party, I’ve hired a clown to show up at your workplace. Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday from the world’s biggest Momma’s Boy!

Wow! You really look like Grandma now! Happy Birthday!

Wine. Cheese. You. Cheers to getting better with age! Happy Birthday

Dad’s asleep on the couch, your kids are moved out- finally! Some peace and quiet on your Birthday!

I wanted to get you something that expressed how much I love you, Mom, but I have no money. Can I borrow $20? Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to the only person who keeps lending me their car!

I’m bad at math, you’re bad at cooking- let’s call it even! Happy Birthday, let’s go to a restaurant to celebrate your birthday, Mom!

Happy Birthday, Mom! Sorry you had to wipe my butt for so many years

In my mind, you’ll always be 35. Happy Birthday, Mom!

Don’t check your credit card bill this month, I used it to buy this gift! Happy Birthday, Mom!

For your birthday I’ve hidden the credit card bill from Dad. Happy Birthday!

Can I have 100 cookies baked for the bake sale tomorrow? Can I borrow the car? Can I have $20? Can I wish you a Happy Birthday? Happy Birthday, Mom!

My gift is cooler than my brother’s gift, just saying. Happy Birthday, Mom!

I helped Dad pick your gift, don’t let him take all the credit! Happy Birthday, Mom!

I tried to bake you a cake, but I failed miserably. Let’s leave the birthday cakes to you, ok? Happy Birthday!

For your birthday, I’m going to get Dad anti-snoring surgery. Happy Birthday, Mom!

I hope I look half as good as you do when I’m your age! Happy Birthday, Mom!

Happy Birthday to my Momager! Kris Jenner has nothing on you!

For your birthday, I’ll show you how to send emails and I won’t even roll my eyes! Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday, Mom! Don’t worry, I didn’t hire a clown or a magician. I hired a housekeeper for the day!

This card entitles you to three home cooked dinners, three dog walks and a full vacuum of the house. Happy Birthday! Put me to work!

The older you get, the faster you fall asleep during movies- Happy Birthday, Mom! Hope you get some rest!

Happy Birthday to a woman of taste, fashion and class! I’m lucky I take after you!

I’m too young to write, I’m too young to read- but Daddy says it’s your birthday, so let’s celebrate, Mommy!

Happy Birthday, Mommie Dearest! No wire hangers this year, I promise!

For your birthday, Mom, I’m finally moving out of your basement! Just kidding- Happy Birthday!

If it were up to me, your birthday would be a national holiday! Happy Birthday, Mom!

Happy Birthday, Mom- I promise I will call you more often!

Not all heroes wear capes! Happy Birthday to my Wondermom!

50 is the new 30! Happy Birthday, Mom!

Happy Birthday to my best chauffeur, cook, housekeeper, mentor, teacher, and friend! Love you, Mom!

Happy Birthday, Mom! Hopefully next year I’ll be rich and can give you the gift you truly deserve!

Don’t worry, I’ll remind Dad it’s your birthday. Happy Birthday, Mom!

Aren’t you glad I’m too old to give you crappy homemade gifts? Happy Birthday, Mom!

If I don’t look as good as you do at 50, I’ll be real mad! Happy Birthday, Mom!

What were your birthdays like before you had me around to give the best gifts?! Happy Birthday, Mom!

Please take a moment to pin this post on Pinterest.

Funny-Birthday-Wishes-and-Messages

Author Biography
Keith Miller has over 25 years experience as a CEO and serial entrepreneur. As an entreprenuer, he has founded several multi-million dollar companies. As a writer, Keith's work has been mentioned in CIO Magazine, Workable, BizTech, and The Charlotte Observer. If you have any questions about the content of this blog post, then please send our content editing team a message here.

---