Funny Retirement Sayings For Cards

Making it to retirement is a special time to celebrate some big changes entering into your life. From fishing to golfing and gardening, there are many relaxing aspects associated to reaching retirement. Here are some funny retirement sayings for cards that will greatly reflect this celebratory period.

“After retirement the body grows older, the heart grows fonder and the mind becomes younger. All the best at trying to handle an old body with a young mind and fond heart.”

“All these years you argued with your colleagues, juniors, managers and your boss at work. After retirement, you will argue with your grandkids, children and wife at home. Life remains the same.”

“All your life you sacrificed your health so you could earn more money to retire happily. Now you’ll realize that you’ll be spending all the money to keep up your health. Congratulations.”

“Congratulations for gaining two new best friends upon your retirement. Their names are Bed and Couch. You will be hanging out with them a lot.”

“Congratulations for your retirement. Now you will be forced to work on a never-ending project that will take up all your time and it’s called – Doing Nothing.”

“Congratulations on your retirement but don’t get too eager to relax yet. Get ready to tire yourself out with grandkids, gardening and many other chores.”

“Consider yourself officially and truly retired on the day you don’t feel like changing your underwear. Good luck.”

“Do you think that life after retirement is an adventure? Well, it is if you count trekking out of bed, climbing atop sofas and diving into takeaways. Have fun.”

“Doing the things you always wanted to do is not the real challenge of retirement. Remembering them is the real challenge. Good luck at being a forgetful pensioner.”

“For someone as lazy as you, retirement will make no difference in your life except the fact that you can now do nothing, officially. Congratulations.”

“Health, family, friends and relationships are some of the things that you sacrificed in your life so that you could work harder and earn more money. Now you will realize that you need these things to enjoy retirement. Such is the irony of life.”

“It doesn’t matter whether you behave like a grumpy retiree or not, because people are going to assume that anyways. Good luck dealing with that.”

“Most people spend their whole lives planning their retirement but when they actually retire, they don’t know what to do. Don’t let this happen to you.”

“No matter how many college degrees, skill development courses and professional accreditations you have received, there is one more qualification you will still receive after your retirement – Master of Doing Nothing. Congratulations.”

“Old age, fragile bones, doctor visits, medical checkups and a weak bladder – are you still looking forward to retirement? Congratulations.”

“Reaching retirement age is like getting to the top of a cliff. You will be at the zenith of your career, well knowing that the next step is a downward plunge toward old age. Good luck.”

“Remember all those things that you wanted to do in your life, but didn’t because you never had the time? Don’t plan on doing them after your retirement either – you will either be too old or too poor to afford them now. Wish you a happy retirement.”

“Retirement is a fence – on one side lies hard work and on the other lies boredom. Either ways, it’s no fun.”

“Retirement is just a nice way for the company to tell you that they have found more energetic, talented, youthful and skilled staff than you. Happy retirement.”

“Retirement is just a nice way for your company to say that you are getting too old to work. Congratulations for stepping into this league, old timer.”

“Retirement is like a bubble that burst just when you think you are at the zenith of your career. Good luck buddy.”

“Retirement is like a lifelong vacation, except that you are no longer fit to do most of the fun stuff. Congratulations.”

“Retirement is like a never-ending weekend party except that you can’t drink, can’t hook up and can’t stay up all night even if you want to. So in short, it is boring. Congratulations.”

“Retirement is said to be the slow and painful lead up to the sunset years of your life. Have fun old timer.”

“Retirement is the beginning of the time when you can sit back and give advice to others, even though you never followed it in your own life. Congratulations.”

“Retirement is the company way of indirectly telling you that it has no more use of an old and lazy bum like you. Goodbye.”

“Retirement is the only thing that will make you realize how you wasted all these years trying to be mature when you can get back to being a child at the end of it all. Have fun.”

“Retirement is the turning point in your life which makes you realize that you had your priorities messed up all this while. Congratulations, better late than never.”

“Some people say that retirement signifies the end of all of life’s tension, but that’s true only if you have a grand pension.”

“The funny thing about retirement is that it makes you realize the importance of medical insurance.”

“Was working hard all your life worth it? You are about to realize that now. Congratulations on retiring.”

Retirement is a large transition in life that you have to be prepared for. Here is a helpful video on the hard facts of retirement.